When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why
I shouldn’t feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something
To solve my problem,
You have failed me,
Strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask you is listen
not talk or do—just hear me.

Advice is cheap and I can do for myself,
I am not helpless,
maybe discouraged and faltering,
but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact
that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about the business of understanding
what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious
and I don’t need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn
and I will listen to you.

Author unknown